no, he came in my armpit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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