doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your cock deserves a montage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
