I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
