Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
