i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
