Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
