She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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