I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
