I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
