I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
