i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
