The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
