i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
