Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
