Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
