I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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