Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
