Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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