i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
