God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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