i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
