I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
