It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
