I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
being pregnant is like rehab
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
