we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
