So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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