did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
