Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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