Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
