I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
