I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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