I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
