How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
