Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize