the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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