In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
