you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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