just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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