She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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