we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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