Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
