She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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