question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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