just come out here and I will go home with you...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Houston, we have a blender
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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