trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
