This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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