Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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