I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
