my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
