We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
