I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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