woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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