You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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