you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
