Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
