Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it because I queefed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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