Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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