It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
