Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
