I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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