the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm both gender and math confused
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
