That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
