I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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