areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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