If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
