I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
