Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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