You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
