from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
