How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
did you just send me my own nude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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