So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
