You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
