i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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