When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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