apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
