She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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