The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
