let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
