IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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