Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
