I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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