I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
