It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
